Most successful world leaders have one thing in common they’ve all read about how to win friends and influence people. Why should we even care about winning friends and influencing people? It is almost a primary source, meaning that all the new books are coming out on communication, and all the new self-help books are pulled from this book.
“How To Win Friends And Influence People” talks about the importance of having friends, appreciating your friends, and influencing people to do what you want them to do.
How To Win Friends And Influence People Notes
This book has four major chapters, and in all of the chapters, it has 30 points. We will discuss the lessons I’ve learned from Dale Carnegie’s best-seller book How to Win Friends And Influence People. This can help you both in your personal and professional lives. Let’s get into the 7 best ideas/notes to win friends and influence people.
1. Arouse an eager want
We have to discuss what they want and get it to influence others. So an example from the book is that if you don’t want your kids to smoke, don’t tell them, OK, don’t smoke. If you do, you’ll have a more challenging time breathing, and maybe you can get on the basketball team. If they want something, they will decide for themselves that, OK, perhaps I shouldn’t smoke.
- After all, Carnegie said that we give to charity because we feel we’re helping people. We like that feeling more than we want the money, and we’re willing to let go of one for the other.
A famous quote from this chapter is that if there’s any secret to success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle and your own.
So it’s about putting yourself in their shoes. If you keep telling people about what you want, it might not necessarily be what they want, or they might not even care. You’re not going to get anywhere when it comes to influencing them and getting them on your side.
2. Be Genuinely Interested
The author said that you could make more friends in two months by being genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get them interested in you. It’s challenging yourself to be more interested in other people for twenty-four hours.
It means you will try as much as possible not to talk about yourself and let other people talk about themselves. People said when they experienced or did this challenge, it was eye-opening to them how much they didn’t know about the people. Another thing you will notice when you do this challenge is that it’s hard not to talk about yourself.
Smiling and something that he mentions a lot in this book. So he mentioned that smiling is free, but it gives so much to the receiver. I like the line where he says it enriches those who receive it without making poorer those who give it. If you notice people who don’t like smiling, maybe they’re at work and frowning and don’t like it. It also kind of rubs that affects you as well.
- What I do in those situations is I also smile at them, and maybe it will make their mood and day a lot better. It takes fewer muscles to smile than it does to frown.
So lighten up and smile. Even though we’re always in our masks nowadays, it’s still essential because smiling doesn’t just come from your mouth; you can see it in other people’s eyes.
4. Remember Names
Dale Carnegie said that your name is the sweetest and most important word in any language, and that’s true. If people remember your name, you appreciate it. When people send you emails addressing you like a charm, you appreciate that other than that. So it makes a big difference.
Also, we can apply it, especially in emails or when we send messages to people reaching out to use their names. Remember the spelling and pronunciation correctly, and I guarantee that it will impact them.
- So if you have a hard time remembering people’s names, put in the entire name or their full name. If it’s hard to pronounce, maybe you can ask them to spell it out or ask them to repeat their names.
Sometimes they appreciate that you take the time to remember and get to know their name instead of saying it. So this is something that we can apply when we reach out to clients, customers, and colleagues.
5. Win Arguments by Avoiding Them
Arguments are healthy and good for us to progress as a society. So it’s not that you shouldn’t make arguments. It’s that you should choose and pick your battles. Carnegie says an idea ends with both sides convinced that they are right in the book. Simply put, you cannot win an argument. Regardless of the outcome, you lose the argument.
- Let’s say you argue with someone, and then you’re right, making them feel bad. That doesn’t make you win in influencing them and winning them over most of the time.
So when you win an argument, you still lose because you lose that relationship with someone most of the time. If you lose the argument, you also lose. If you want to win over someone, then maybe it’s not worth arguing with them. So in the positions where you cannot argue with someone, the author suggests avoiding the argument.
The author suggests agreeing to disagree and even controlling your temper and listening. It’s also good to put yourself in other people’s positions and their arguments so that you can also better understand why you’re arguing in the first place.
6. Let People Feel Like the Idea is Theirs
So the next point is to let the other person feel like the idea is his/her. He said that people have more faith in their ideas than others. So instead of telling people what to do, you can have people come to it on their terms and make it seem like it’s their idea.
For example, you will say, our meeting is every Thursday night at seven p.m., without even asking other people involved in the meeting. Instead, what you can do is maybe how Thursday night sounds to you guys at seven p.m. is a good time for everyone. That way, you can let them be more involved in the discussion. So it’s not dictating what to do but instead allowing them to feel like they have a say and are part of the decision-making.
In general, people want to be consulted about their opinions and ideas. That’s the point of getting their buy-in and vote on the matter. In applying this to clients, we can make it a collaborative effort instead of telling the clients this is right, and we can try to educate them nicely and collaborate with them. That’s also an effective way for your clients and customers to love you even more.
7. Give them a fine reputation
We often criticize people, and it’s not even constructive criticism. For example, an employee or a coworker, that poor job at something instead of saying, that’s so bad, I’m fine with me. Why did you even think of this? Maybe you can tell them, but we can improve it this way. It’s not about instilling false confidence in them. But you notice that most often than not.
- If you tell them they can do it, they will try to prove to you instead of feeling bad about themselves because you were too harsh or your criticisms are too harsh.
So this book isn’t about manipulating people. It’s more about being a good communicator and having better human relations in general since this book was written 90 almost one hundred years ago. There are times that the book can be tone-deaf, but that’s the thing about self-help books.
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